This is the final part of a Q&A with Dr. Thompson, a psychologist, school consultant and author/co-author of eight books including the classic bestseller, Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys and It’s a Boy!: Understanding Your Son’s Development from Birth to Eighteen. (You can learn more about Dr. Thompson and his works on his website www.michaelthompson-phd.com.) I have received a lot of positive feedback regarding this series to date, so a huge thanks to Dr. Thompson!

Why is it so hard for boys to communicate — it seems like they either melt down or shut down!
Boys communicate very effectively, but much of their communication is non-verbal. They tend not to use words as early or as often as girls, and boys in groups tend to do activities together, not talk together. That gender difference in conversation is visible early on.

It is also true that from an early age many boys seem not to want to talk about things that make them feel ashamed; that is because it is part of most boys’ psychology to want to be strong, and not to show weakness. When moms are asking their sons about “how they feel” the boy often experiences that as an invitation to be vulnerable, and it makes them feel ashamed. That’s why they look down at their feet and seem to clam up. Sometimes, of course, if they are feeling overwhelmed, they simply fall apart.

Rather than wishing that your son would use more words, you can say to him, “I know you feel awful about not being able to such-and-such. Come get a hug.” After a while, you can simply ask him a question about his feelings, “Are you feeling bad because you can’t….” and he’ll nod in agreement. That helps him to identify his feelings.

The open-ended questions: “How are you?” and “How do you feel?” which are so much a part of female conversation are actually never that successful with boys or men. “You’re angry, aren’t you?” “You feel awful, don’t you?” work much better because a boy (or a man) can express his feelings without sounding weak or like a whiner.

It seems like my son has no awareness regarding physical safety. Will he become more “aware” as he grows older?
Of course he will. We all become more aware of danger as we grow older simply because experience — and trips to the Emergency Room for stitches—teaches all of us that some stunts are dumb and that we have limits. However, little boys live in their bodies and they are impulsive, so the joy of motoring around, of swinging from branches, of jumping from one wall to another often exceeds their judgment, even in the face of experience. That will be the case in some boys for many, many years.

Many teenage boys do reckless things because they feel immortal. The frontal lobes, the location of judgment in the brain, are not fully formed in young men until they are twenty-five. Therefore, I can say that the majority of young men will become far more aware of physical safety in their twenties and therefore more cautious. However, a thrill-seeking minority will still find the excitement of snow-boarding, rock-climbing, and motorcycle racing irresistible, even though it will always make their mothers nervous.

(To see the introduction and the first set of questions, please visit Q&A About Boys: Michael G. Thompson, Ph.D.. For Part II, visit Q&A About Boys (Part II): Michael G. Thompson, Ph.D. For Part III, visit Q&A About Boys (Part III): Michael G. Thompson, Ph.D.)

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(Normally, I don’t run ads on Mom in the City. However, the review of this consultant’s products on our site is being delayed due to unforeseen circumstances on the part of the assigned reviewer. The reviewer has said “I can tell you the products look great and are really exciting.” So, I wanted to introduce you to the company in time for the holiday season….)

Memories…what are you doing with yours?

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(To see the full ad, please click here.)

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I’m thankful for many things in 2008. Here is my Top 10 (so far…)

1. Faith: Nothing is impossible with God.

2. Family: I’m so grateful to have a wonderful husband and kids whom I both like and love! I’m also very fortunate to have great relationships with the rest of our family, both immediate and extended.

3. Friends: The older I get, I have fewer but much more meaningful friendships – many acquaintances but a special, few friends.

4. Health (physical and emotional): It’s such a gift that I and my loved ones are in good physical health. Also, I don’t think that I really realized before how much of a treasure emotional stability is!

5. Education: Irregardless of what I choose to do at the various stages of my life, it can never be taken away.

6. Current Career: Being a parenting writer/blogger/speaker is the ideal job at this stage of my life. I basically get paid to live my life and share about it. How great is that?! I’m especially happy about some of the longer term relationships that I have built this year with moms and marketers – especially Nintendo (we’re a Wii family!); method (they’ve helped us to live a little bit more “green” AND they threw my 35th birthday party!); and Disney (they treated me to a fabulous weekend and - more importantly - listened to African American mom concerns regarding their brand).

7. Financial Stability: We’re not (financially) rich, but we don’t have to choose between gas in the car and food on the table. That’s no small thing in today’s economic environment.

8. Home: I’m glad that at the end of the day, there’s no place that I, my husband and our kids would rather be.

9. Learning to Drive: Although, I don’t especially love driving yet, it’s a great skill to have. It “frees” me in new ways.

10. Family Vacations: I love when we get to our destination! Both the family wedding in North Carolina and our off-season Jersey Shore getaways were great. (In addition, with all that there is to do living in NYC, it’s like we’re on “vacation” year-round!)

What Are You Most Thankful For This Thanksgiving?

(To see what other moms around the web are thankful for, visit here.)

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Below are some tips courtesy of Stop & Shop Consumer Advisor Andrea Astrachan. A link to Andrea’s monthly column online can be found here.

To save money on clothes and fashion, we all know that great buys can be found by shopping off-season. With food however, the opposite is true - shop seasonally! In fact, although we have become accustomed to being able to get almost any type of food whenever we want it, there is real value to be had when you know the best time to shop for certain items.

Here’s a quick look at how you can save by planning purchases based on upcoming sales. Stock up and store these suggested non-perishables and freeze certain perishable items throughout the year.

January: Avocados, Chicken, Condiments, Ground Beef, Kielbasa, Salsa

February: Cake Mixes, Fish, Frozen Vegetables, Shrimp

March/April: Beef Rib Roasts, Cabbage, Corned Beef, Lamb, Raisins, Prunes and Apricots

May: Marinades, Salad Dressings, Salmon Steaks, Spare Ribs

June: N/A

July: Blueberries, Condiments, Chicken- whole and parts, Ground Beef, Vidalia Onions

August/September: Convenience Breakfast Items, Peanut Butter and Jelly, Pasta, Quick Meal Items

October: Brisket, Chowders, Macaroni and Pastas, Soups, Squash

November: Baking Items, Canned Fruit, Maple Syrup, Stuffing Mixes, Top Round, Turkey

December: Canola Oil, Grape Juice, Ham, Horseradish, Lamb, Roasts, Yams

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Recently, I had a chance to review a new children’s toy, the new line of Groovy Girls RSVP dolls and pets from Manhattan Toy. I fell in love with the 8 dolls and 5 pets in the line after opening the box that contained them.

The thing that I like the most about the dolls is that they have on fashionable clothes that actually cover everything that needs to be covered! Unfortunately, that is not the norm with many dolls on the market today. I also like the diversity of the dolls. (I promptly put “Alesa” to the side – she’s a keeper!) The pets are super-cute too. I think that this is a great, age-appropriate line for girls ages 3+.

Each doll or pet comes with a RSVP code that can be used to get exclusive access the Groovy Girls RSVP Web site where they can get rewards, play games, join parties and much more. You can download a free exclusive song with each doll or pet’s RSVP code as well.

Additionally, there’s a special site for parents so that they can be in touch with their kids’ play, stay aware of actual Groovy Girl events and accumulate points towards a doll donation for girls in need (which is great!).

Lastly, the line is reasonably priced ($15/doll; $12/pet). FREE is even better than reasonable, right? So, I’m going to give one lucky Mom in the City member two dolls and one pet. (The other dolls and pets are accounted for already!)

Mom in the City newsletter subscribers can enter to win the bundle by leaving your name in the “Comments” section below along with the name of your favorite Groovy Girls RSVP or by sending an email to contests@mominthecity.com with “Groovy” in the Subject line and the answer by December 15th (just in time for holiday gifting!).

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Earlier this week (on 11/25), Paramount Home Entertainment released a “wrapped and ready” Kung Fu Panda DVD. (Basically, the DVD is already gift-wrapped for convenient holiday gifting.)

Well, I quickly opened the DVD, because our family had wanted to see this movie for a while. (It’s very rare that we go to see family movies when they’re out in the theater because Michael can’t tolerate the loud sounds.) It was well worth the wait! This movie had us laughing from start to finish and it had a really great lesson (the importance of believing in yourself).

Basically, the film (which is set in China) is about a big, clumsy panda named Po. Though he is in line to be a noodle maker, Po dreams of being a master kung fu fighter who fights with the skilled Furious Five (Tigress, Monkey, Mantis, Viper and Crane). Through a comedy of errors, Po is prophesied to be the Dragon Warrior. He was destined to be the one to defend his community from a terrifying, evil snow leopard warrior Tai Lung who had escaped from prison. As the movie progresses, Po learns kung fu alongside the Furious Five from an initially reluctant red panda Master Shifu. He also learns the secret to being the Dragon Warrior. (I won’t tell you, but it starts with “n”.) Ultimately, there is a battle between Po and Tai Lung. (Seeing that there’s a sequel in the works, you can kind of guess who won…)

The cinematography of the film was beautiful…it’s amazing what they can do with animation these days! The voices for the various characters were also exactly on point. My husband was able to guess most of them: Jack Black as Po; Dustin Hoffman as Master Shifu; Angelina Jolie and Lucy Liu as part of the Furious Five; and Michael Clarke Duncan as Commander Vachir (he was the commander of the prison guard that was initially holding Tai Lung). Our most favorite part of the entire movie though is the line when the tortoise Master Oogway calmly says, “There is no good or bad news, only news”. Then, after hearing the news (that Tai Lung had escaped), he says something to the effect of “Oh, that is bad news.” For some reason, that line just makes us crack up!

In any event, this is a great movie to give as a holiday gift and/or to add to your own family movie collection. (After watching the movie together, you all can pretend to kung fu fight each other. That’s what my family did!)

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The stuffed animals in this line (Snow Leopard, Polar Bear or Giant Panda) by KIDDesigns are adorable. It just so happened that we received the panda (perfect timing – we saw Kung Fu Panda later that week!) for review.

Girls (ages 3+) will especially love the animals, because Barbie’s voice is used to speak. However, don’t open it around animal-loving little boys – they’ll want to keep them too. Each animal comes with a variety of items (syringe, bottle, thermometer, tweezers, an ice pack and a bandage cuff) so that the kids can play veterinarian and nurse their animal back to health. It was great watching my kids tend to their panda’s needs. I was impressed - kids really do pay attention to how we parents take care of “boo-boos”. (Areas that need attention light up and sometimes the animal makes noises too. When the animal is “better”, the light goes out and the sound changes.) Each wildlife animal also comes with a pretend Passport and an adorable little Adoption Certificate with the animal’s “photo” on it. Best of all, Mattel (the licensor) will make a donation to the International Fund for Animal Welfare (IFAW), an organization that helps protect endangered species.

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-There’s a great post on Black Friday (the day after Thanksgiving) and Cyber Monday (next Monday when there are many sales on the Web) on Center’d. It shares a little of the history and some helpful online sites to find bargains and sales. You can view it here.

-P&G is opening a pop-up store this Friday in NYC. Everyone who visits the store will be given a brandSAVER coupon book (with $45 in coupons). There will also be product demonstrations and free product samples along with the coupons for brands including Bounty, Tide, Pantene and CoverGirl and much more. The store will be at 101 West 57th Street at 6th Avenue from Friday, November 28 – Wednesday, December 11, 10:30 a.m. to 8:30 p.m. daily.

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Last week, I mentioned the on DVD & Blu-ray release of the hit movie Wall-E. For those of you who like to know a little bit more about movies before going out to buy the DVD, I figured that I’d elaborate a bit more about the movie and share my thoughts on a few of the bonus features.

WALL-E has received consistently great reviews overall. I’m not a big science-fiction fan but the friendship/ romance aspect of the film won me over. I must say that I liked the movie while my husband and son really enjoyed it. WALL-E is one of those movies that I want to look at again by myself so I don’t miss anything. (It’s hard for me to focus completely when watching with my husband and son – they talk during movies!)

Basically, the film follows WALL-E, an endearing little trash compactor robot who is left on Earth to clean up the polluted planet. One of the things that made my family laugh was that the only other thing that existed along with WALL-E was his “pet” cockroach (although he should have died many times throughout the movie!). One day another robot named EVE comes to earth to do some exploring. She and WALL-E become friends (after he prevents her from destroying him) and he later follows her into outer space.

While in outer space, the two robots work together to help the humans return to earth. (After 700 years of living in micro-gravity , the humans are a bit of a mess. They’re fat, lazy and rely on their robots to help them with practically everything!) As the drama unfolds (let’s just say that not every robot wants the humans to return to Earth), WALL-E and Eve fall in love. Their little “kiss” and dance in space around the ship is especially touching. I won’t share everything (like the ending!), but I will say that it’s a happy, hopeful one.

In addition to the movie, the DVD has many bonus features along with the standard deleted scenes. There is a funny little animated short (7:35 minutes) called “BURN-E”. BURN-E stands for Basic Utility Repair Nano Engineer. They are the repair robots that are used to maintain the Axiom (where the humans were living for the 700 years). This particular one was accidentally locked outside of the ship by WALL-E and EVE. It’s a series of amusing “errors” as he tries his hardest to get back inside with varying degrees of success. My favorite bonus feature though is “WALL-E’s Treasures and Trinkets”. In it, WALL-E does a variety of cute/funny things. He hula-hoops around his neck, robot–dances, plays sports, has “encounters” with a fire hydrant and vacuum cleaner and much more — very adorable!

The last thing that I want to write about this 3-disc special edition DVD is that the third disc is actually a digital copy of the movie that you can use iTunes or Windows Media to transfer and watch the movie on your computer, video iPod, iPhone, etc. (Although I’m so non-techy/ don’t have an ianything, I think that’s a really neat addition to the set!)

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Last month, I received two books to review: GOOD DEALS & SMART STEALS by the editors of Good Housekeeping and O’S BIG BOOK OF HAPPINESS. (Both books are easy reads and make great gift options for the holiday season.)

GOOD DEALS & SMART STEALS
This book would be great for your “frugal” friends. (Actually, with this economy, who isn’t looking for a great deal?) The book shares hundreds of ideas for saving money on a variety of purchases (including daily household items to larger purchases like appliances, vacations, cars, etc.). This paperback book is divided into two sections: How to be a Smart Shopper and Get a Good Deal. The tips are a helpful reference source (but be forewarned, your super frugal friends probably already know many of the tips). There are enough ideas, referrals and such spread throughout the book that every reader should walk away with at least a few new good tips. For the average reader, the deals and steals will more than make up for the book’s purchase price ($9.95).

O’S BIG BOOK OF HAPPINESS
This is a beautiful hard-covered book that I’m looking forward to getting all the way through. The book is basically a “best-of-the-best’ collection of articles from O, Oprah Magazine. Currently, I’m reading the Your Mind/Your Body section which is about diet, health, faith, confidence and such. Other sections include Dating, Mating, Relating and Dreaming Big. I like how many of Oprah’s writings focus on growth, so this book is right up my alley. This would be a welcome gift to people who love Oprah’s magazine (there are many!) or a great addition to your personal home library. (You can get a sneak peek/ see the table of contents and read sample stories here.)

So, what (if anything during this FULL holiday season) are you reading this month?

(To read about what others are reading this month, visit What’s on Your Nightstand.)

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