So why did Disney spend all of this time, energy and money to fly us African American mom bloggers to Orlando for this fabulous weekend?

They’re smart…that’s why. According to findings of Magazine Publishers of America reported in an article in Folio magazine earlier this year, African American spending power will pass $1 trillion by 2012. Historically, the purchases made by Black women are the single biggest influence on the growth of African American spending.

From what I gathered, the main point of the mixer was for Disney Parks to understand our perceptions of their brand and to learn how they could do a better job of connecting with African American mothers in general.

Disney’s marketing executives asked us what we thought of their brand and we told them. (I’m not quite sure if they were expecting our level of honesty, but oh, well…)

A couple of the things that stood out to me at our initial roundtable chit-chat session were the following:

-A few moms had issues with the whole princess aspect of Disney. They felt as if there should be more of a variety of empowering female role models coming out of Disney since it is such a media powerhouse. Their point wasn’t that it should be an either (princess)/or (empowering science/math/sports figures) thing, but instead that there should be a variety of images that young girls should be able to aspire to. That wasn’t really my issue (my favorite color is pink and I love princess movies!) but I can appreciate the validity of the point. (It would probably resonate more strongly with me if I actually had a little girl of my own.)

-All of us (in varying degrees) took issue with the lack of diversity in Disney films and products. Before going to Disney, I had looked at some of their advertising material (print and online). What stood out to me was that the only black or brown people that I saw were in subservient type roles. Likewise, one of the blogger moms who lives in Florida and visits the Parks a couple of times a year with her family shared about seeing a show at one of the parks. There were many different characters in the show, but the only person of color that she saw was a chimney sweep!

We then talked about the fact that there still has not been a Black Disney princess on the screen. Some of the moms who had daughters expressed a mixture of anger and sadness that they couldn’t provide their daughters with princess costumes/images/etc. that reflected their culture and appearance. Once again, it wasn’t an either/or type conversation. Rather, it was a “let’s have everyone represented” tone. This discussion just so happened to be focused on African Americans, but I’m sure that other “minority” groups - Latinas, Asians, etc.- feel the importance of their cultures and images being represented and celebrated also.

Overall, it was a great discussion. We were encouraged to go through the various parks and to take note of what they were doing right and what they still needed to improve upon – a challenge that we were eager to take on. At the end of the weekend, we met up again and chatted. We were all so happy that our initial view of the Parks had changed. WE SAW BROWN PEOPLE (and not just chimney sweeps!). There were a variety of black and brown people included in the park’s attractions and entertainment, so obviously that is something that has changed. We were also encouraged by the fact that there is going to be a Black fairy Iridessa in the upcoming Disney Tinker Bell release and that The Princess and the Frog (the first Disney movie featuring a Black princess!) is in production.

Tinker Bell cast

Overall, the most important thing to me (as a participant) was that it seemed as if the Disney cast members really listened and cared about our input. (We gave them some specific practical suggestions that I won’t really go into here.) So, we’ll see. We have a saying down South…”the proof is in the pudding”. Basically in this case that means that the true value of our discussions can only be judged when (and if) the Disney executives put our ideas in practice. In any event, I was honored to simply be a part of the discussion!

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I don’t normally write about two subjects on my blog: religion and politics. That is mainly because I think that those types of conversations are best held person to person. Now that both conventions are over though, I just want to encourage moms to vote on the issues that are most important to you as individuals.

Personally, I’m not especially thrilled with either political party at the moment. In my opinion, there’s been too much pandering, hypocrisy and negativity on both sides. Most of all, I really dislike when groups try to tell me whom I should vote for based on my race or gender. I won’t vote for a Black person just because they’re Black and I won’t vote for a party that has a woman as their #2 simply because I’m a woman. I will vote though (based on the issues that are personally important to me) because if I don’t, I feel like I’m giving up my right to have an opinion/say regarding anything that goes on in this country for the next administration. I have (and will continue to) research the candidates’ stance on the issues and vote according to the party that I agree with the most. These are the top five things that are important to me.

-Education/School: Don’t even get me started. I already thought that our educational system was “broken”. Since my husband switched careers and became a teacher, I’m certain of it! What’s the plan to “fix” it?

-Childcare/Working Mom Issues: I’m very fortunate to be able to stay at home with my kids. However, there are many moms who can’t (or don’t want to). How can we as a nation help moms have quality, affordable childcare options?

-Healthcare: Once again, I’ve been fortunate to have health insurance for me and my family. However, I know many hardworking people who can’t afford to have coverage. They are just one “accident” or unplanned pregnancy (have you seen how much it costs to give birth if you don’t have insurance?!) away from going bankrupt due to medical bills. In my opinion, that should not be the reality in our great county.

-Domestic Economic Plan: When I’m constantly reading articles about Americans having to choose between buying gas for their cars and food for their families, I have mixed feelings. I’m grateful that’s not my reality, but it’s depressing that it is so many other people’s daily struggle. What’s the plan to get us back on track as a country?

-International Affairs/The War: It really makes me sad that so many other countries in the world have such a strong dislike of America. If it were just a couple of countries, I could write it off as jealousy/whatever. However, when it’s a prevailing sentiment, it makes me think that we need to reevaluate how we present ourselves and interact with the rest of the world. Of course, the biggest international issue of the moment is the war. I have a brother who served two tours of duty in Iraq. Thankfully, he returned home safely. I just want to make sure that his (and every other military person’s!) service has not been in vain. What are we really trying to accomplish? What is the overall plan?

Anyway, those are my “issues”. I’d love to hear yours/what’s on other moms’ minds.

On a more fun note, we’re giving away two election-themed books from Scholastic: Otto Runs For President by Rosemary Wells and Letters from the Campaign Trail: LaRue for Mayor by Mark Teague. These books are a great, fun way to connect/introduce kids to the (simplified version of the) election process.

Mom in the City newsletter subscribers can enter to win the two books by leaving your name in the “Comments” section below or by sending an email to contests@mominthecity.com with “Election” in the Subject line by September 30th.

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When I originally started “Mom in the City”, it was simply to fill a void in the NYC “mommy group” space. Over the last few years, it has evolved into a blog about raising young kids (newborns to five years old) in an urban environment. Moms are still the primary readers, but lately I’ve noticed that mom supporters are also reading.

I know by the number of dads who have been signing up for off-line family events. I know by the e-mails (that New Yorkers especially tend to prefer leaving rather than “Comments”). I know by the giveaway entry comments.

Hello Dads! Hello Grandparents! Hello Family Members and Friends of Moms! I “see” you and I’m glad when you stop by to visit.

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In the June issue of Parenting magazine, they have an article called “Boys vs. Girls: Who’s Harder to Raise”. It’s an interesting read. Their breakdown in regards to which is harder:

-Discipline: boys
-Physical Safety: boys
-Communication: first boys, then girls
-Self-esteem: girls
-School: mostly boys
Their bottom line: “On balance, the general consensus seems to be that boys are more of a handful early on, and girls more challenging beginning in the preteen years.”

Personally, I think that it depends on the individual kids and their parents. I’ve worked with kids from newborn to college-aged for the last 14 years in various capacities. I’ve seen a lot of girls that were a handful early on that grew up to be wonderful young ladies and I’ve known a lot of sweet natured young boys who became “terrors” as they grew older (and vice versa!).

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Since I’ve had my second son, people keep asking me “where’s the girl?” It’s so annoying. For one thing, we don’t choose the sex of our kids (unless we do some Petri dish type of thing). I really believe that God gives you the kids that you need. Fortunately for me, I’ve also been given what I wanted. (Since my husband and I are only definitely having two kids, I wanted them to be the same sex.) However, what if I were someone who really wanted a daughter?! I don’t think women (no man has ever asked me this) realize how potentially hurtful this type of question could be.

In any event, I have a new answer (which I gave to a nurse yesterday). “I borrow the girl at least once a month from a single mom friend to give her a break. It helps her out and it helps my family get our girl fix.”

Now, perhaps one day we will adopt a little girl if we move out of the city, but my life doesn’t revolve around that happening – I’m not even sure that I have the energy (or inclination) for three kids. As women/moms, I think that we need to be careful to not assume that every mom wants one of each (a boy and a girl). (For the record, I know people who have two girls who are perfectly content too!)

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This is what I have been saying to myself this weekend in order to remind myself to “not sweat the little things”. By nature, I’m a (cup half-full) Pollyanna type person. On the flip side though, I can obsess about the little things that aren’t going according to plan.

This weekend, I’ve been fighting to not be annoyed by the facts that:
-Michael is sick.
-I’m sick.
And
-This blog redesign process is longer and more tedious than I anticipated.

In the grand scheme of things, neither of those issues are permanent or even that huge. That’s why I have to remind myself of things that are going on in this city/this world that are big deals.

NYC has had (too many) construction accidents as of late. Most recently, a man who was supposed to be getting married this summer lost his life in a crane accident. Now that’s a big deal/helps me to keep my minor annoyances in perspective!

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Of course it is. For one thing, you know that there’s an issue when you have to start planning for pre-k (at least) a year in advance. Although I’ve been in NYC almost half of my life, some things (like the schools) are still a shock to my system. (My point of reference: I grew up in an area of Virginia where almost everyone went to public schools. The schools were safe, diverse and everyone had a chance at a solid education.)

Anyway, there was an article in The New York Times called Pre-K System Faulted as Confusing to Parents. It talks about how a new application process that had been implemented to simplify pre-kindergarten enrollment has did more harm than good leaving many parents of potential public school students wondering where their kids will be going to school this coming fall. I’m just happy that I was able to find a great program for my oldest son. (Granted, I think that it’s easier/less competitive to get your child in a 2 1/2 hours a day program - like the one that my son will be attending-rather than a full day one.)

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Because I am a mom and I work as a parenting writer, I get a lot of questions.  I’ll start answering some of them here on the blog.  Following are a couple of recent questions (and answers):

Question #1: My one year old only wants me to hold her.  She screams whenever I leave the room (even when someone else is there with her) except for when I leave her with the babysitter. (This is a mom who works outside of the home,)

My answer: "That’s normal" (that’s part of my answer for almost every question!).  She’s just going through her "attachment phase".  When given a choice, she’s going to choose you.  Don’t worry…she’ll grow out of it in a few months.

(My answer was confirmed by a May 2008 Parenting magazine article entitled "When only one parent will do" that you can read here.)

Question #2: How do you talk to young kids about death?  (This was actually a question that came up because I didn’t attend a wake along with my husband, because I didn’t want to have the "death" talk with my inquisitive 4 year old.  A mom friend asked me to let her know what I found out about "the talk" because she also has an inquisitive 4 year old.)

Answer: I didn’t have one, but the May 2008 issue of Cookie magazine had an article all about responding to five common questions that children ask about death.  The article is entitled, "a loss for words".  In the piece, common questions were directed towards bereavement specialists/authors Maria Trozzi and Dr. Donna Schuurman.  I recommend reading the magazine article (page 90) (I couldn’t find a web link.)  Overall, "The younger the kid, the simpler the answer" was the prevailing wisdom.

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Reuters ran a great article entitled "If your mom’s your best friend, who’s your mother?". 

In the article, five types of mothers are mentioned (perfectionist, unpredictable, me first, complete and best-friend).  The group that clinical psychologist and author Stephan Poulter finds that is on the rise is "best-friend mothers" who are mothers who want to be best friends with their children.

The article points out that these types of moms can mess up boundaries and leave their kids with a lack of guidance. (Of course, Lindsay Lohan’s mom is used as an example.)

Personally, I’m not a big fan of labels.  I would like to think of myself as a "complete" mom, but then I have to laugh.  Complete makes me think of being finished / having arrived.  I do my best (like most moms that I know) but I think that motherhood is one area of life that you never "arrive".  That’s what makes parenting such an adventure to me …as soon as I have a "system" down, something changes and we’re back at the drawing board!

I must agree though that I see a lot of moms who would rather be their kid’s friend more than anything else.  I do think that is dangerous.  Kids need (and want!) boundaries, discipline and direction.  I hate when I see young kids running their homes/calling the shots. I’m not trying to be judgmental, but I really do think that parents who allow their kids to do so (under the guise of "friendship") are setting themselves up for some serious head and heartaches when their kids grow up. 

Ultimately, I don’t think that it’s an either/or (parent/friend) decision.  I think that if we do our best at being a good parent, then the majority of time we will also be our child’s friend (and if not, oh well!  Hopefully, they’ll have many other friends in life.).

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Fark.com ran in interesting survey.  You can take it here.

The survey question is: "If you could go back to being 20, what characteristic or belief would you instill in yourself to make your life better?"

Wow, for me 20 was almost 15 years ago.  I was a sophomore at Columbia thinking that the world was mine’s.   

Looking back, I wish that I could have made myself grasp the concept of "making the most of every opportunity".  I look back and see so many connections/relationships that I could have built/maintained that would have helped me in a variety of ways later in life (i.e. I didn’t follow up on calls from Spike Lee’s production company regarding a pitch that I had sent them; I didn’t follow up regarding working for Dustin Hoffman’s office after being his babysitter for a short time, etc., etc. - DUH!).  I also see many experiences that I chose not to participate in (primarily travel, which is much easier to do before you "settle down" and have multiple kids).

Then again, who knows?  Perhaps if I had made the most of every opportunity then I would have missed out on the life I have now, which would be a tragedy.  Remembering my 20 years old self, I probably wouldn’t have listened to the (almost) 35 years old me anyway.  (Isn’t it funny how when you’re 20, the 30s seem so old?!)

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