Last month, a married couple without kids (yet) invited my family over to lunch at their home. I was SO impressed with how much thought they had put into the gathering. In addition to amazing food and company, they also thought of games for us to play and bought pumpkins so that the kids could carve them. How sweet is that?
The next day at church, I was thanking the couple for their warm hospitality. The wife then made MY day yet again by commenting on how impressed she was that our sons were so thankful. “A lot of kids are not,” she went on to say. I must say that was one of the greatest compliments that I could receive as a parent, because that is one of the character things that is hardest for me to teach the boys! They are definitely works in progress (just like all of us).
It’s interesting, because the last couple of months of each year are the times when my kids tend to lose appreciation for all that they have and get a major case of the “I wants”. Part of it is that they are kids. Part of it is also that they are NYC kids who have experienced and received so much due to my career and the kind generosity of family and friends. There are times when they can think that they are entitled to things simply because they exist. That’s when we go back to Gratitude 101! Below are a few things that we do to teach our kids how to be grateful:
1. Please and thank you are not optional. I remember when I babysat for a lady as a college student. One day, I gently reminded her daughter to say “thank you” for something that I had given her. The mom called me into the other room and basically reprimanded me for correcting the child, because she “didn’t feel like her daughter needed to say please and thank you at home”. That was over 20 years ago, but I still remember thinking, “What?! That explains a lot in regard to your child’s spoiled behavior!” Fast forward to current times with me raising my own kids: “please and thank you” are not optional at our home. Whenever anyone goes out of his or her way to do something nice or special (including cooking dinner…cough), a “thank you” is expected.
2. Count your blessings (literally). Last week as part of our special family Friday nights. Reggie asked us each to write down who and what we were thankful for having in our life. The number of things was based on our age, so I had the most things to write down☺! It was fun though, because once the kids got started, they kept adding more and more things…way more than 6 and 9.
3. Volunteer together. I find that experiences tend to be more memorable than lessons, so we work together on “giving” projects throughout the year. There are SO many different ways that kids can contribute. It helps others and helps our kids’ hearts to be more thankful for all that they do have. You can do something for a family or small group of people and/or you can do something with a larger charity. We like to mix it up and do both…not just during the holidays but sprinkled throughout the year.
If you don’t have a favorite charity, may I recommend God’s Love We Deliver? You can donate to have meals delivered and/or you can deliver meals yourself if your have a car. The kids can even come along for the deliveries. It’s one of my family’s favorite charities.
The last two tips are actually favorites that come from my Mom in the City newsletter subscribers:
4. Remind them of the good things in their lives. “I love this question. I think about it a lot….and hope that I am doing enough for them to be thankful. I remind them a lot on how lucky they are to have a roof, food on the table, and to have their needs met. I show them and have them participate in acts of kindness such as sending Christmas gifts to those who have none. When I hear them say “I really want” something, I remind them that they have all that they need. I hope that I am teaching by example! That’s probably the biggest factor.” -Emily Spahr
5. Consistency is key. “I find it helpful to remain consistent when raising my daughter to be thankful. That consistency has led to respect for herself and others; increased self-esteem; school success; empathy; and all around joy. I feel children need this consistency because it give them some security.” -Amanda A. Williams
What do you find helpful in regards to raising thankful children?
P.S. Congrats to Emily Spahr for winning the “thankful” gift card that was mentioned in this month’s newsletter. (If you have not subscribed to the Mom in the City newsletter yet, sign up now. There are some great things in store for 2014!)