One of the questions that I get asked the most by my moms – especially first-time moms – is “Is this normal?” in regards to their kids’ development at various stages. There’s such a wide range of “normal” that 9 times out of 10, the answer is “yes”. (Of course, I’m not a pediatrician or specialist, so I always encourage moms to also speak with the professionals in their lives!)
Although I’m not an “expert”, one of the best parts of being a parenting writer is that I have access to them! As such, I asked Ellenmorris Tiegerman, Ph.D., the Founder and Executive Director at the School for Language and Communication Development, to share about this topic. She specializes in children with language and autism spectrum disorders. Below are her thoughts:
“Parents are often concerned at different points in their children’s lives that something is developmentally wrong. There are several misconceptions that parents need to understand as they proceed to gather information and to figure out what their child needs. Firstly, the term “wrong” is not helpful. If there is a developmental difference between your child and his peers, most of the time the “difference” is just that – a learning style difference. Children do not all learn in exactly the same way. Nor do they learn at exactly the same rate of development. Sometimes children are shy or they have very specific activity preferences. None of these things indicate either a disorder or a disability. So my recommendation to parents who are just beginning this process is to calm down and put your fears aside. At this stage, parents need to gather information.
Secondly, there are several helpful sites for parents who have young children (the American Speech Language and Hearing Association at www.asha.org). This site has a section specifically for parents who are interested in determining what skills children acquire at specific ages. This information is usually presented on a developmental chart. The advantage of looking at a developmental chart is that parents can compare their children’s behavior to other typical children at specific ages. So, the parent who is concerned about her 2-year-old who only has 10 words can look at a developmental chart for comparison purposes. Many two-year-olds have a vocabulary of 100 to 200 words and are beginning to combine words to create short sentences. What if a parent is still anxious about the difference between her child and the skills described on the developmental chart?
As I indicated earlier, it is important for parents to understand that normal development does not have exact ages and stages. Keep in mind that social environments and families as well as cultural experiences are vastly different. As a result, what children know will be directly affected by the experiences that you provide such as play dates, museums, dance classes, art classes, music classes and most important adult/child conversations. Talk to your child – constantly. The most important indicator of learning development and success is language. Teach your children about words. Teach your children to read books, books and more books.
Okay, so after all of this, parents discover that there is a 3- to 6-month difference between their child’s skills and the developmental chart. Most of the time a difference of three to six months is quite typical since children are not robots, they are little language processors who are highly specialized and unique. Children hear everything, children process everything but they learn in their own special way. Look at your child in relation to his peers. Is he standing on the sideline? Is he watching? Does he interact? Does he approach other children? Does he play with toys? When a child has a disability, he is usually disengaged, isolated and not playing with toys appropriately.
If parents are concerned, then the first professional to speak to is the pediatrician. If the pediatrician has concerns, then she can advise parents about clinical practitioners who can appropriately evaluate a young child’s hearing, language and social skills. Formalized evaluations will then provide quantitative as well as qualitative information to distinguish between a learning difference and a developmental delay. Usually a developmental delay of 8 to 12 months signals the need for intervention services. In some communities, a child has to present a difference of 12 to 18 months before services are provided.
Remember, a developmental difference is not a developmental delay. There are many parent-friendly guidebooks that provide valuable developmental information, so relax. Consider this journey of leaning about your child as one of exploration and wonderment. Even after all of these years, I am always amazed at how easily and readily typical children learn the most complicated concepts, skills and lessons. Typical children are natural learners. Their differences relate to how they learn. The best thing for parents to do is to watch their children to see what they are doing and how they are doing it.
Suggested Books:
–What is Language? What is Speech?
–The Portable Pediatrician: A Practicing Pediatrician’s Guide to Your Child’s Growth, Development, Health and Behavior, from Birth to Age Five by Laura W. Nathanson.
–Alphabet Kids From ADD to Zellweger Syndrome by Robbie Woliver.
–Language Disorders in Children Real Families, Real Issues, and Real Interventions by Ellenmorris Tiegerman-Farber and Christine Radziewicz.”