The earthquake in Haiti has been all over the news. The tragedy has especially hit NYC (where I live) hard, because there are many Haitian-Americans here. On Friday, it hit home in a personal way…
I was talking with a woman while waiting for the subway. All of a sudden she started crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she said that her mom had died in the earthquake and that she had not been able to establish contact with her father or the seven other family members left in Haiti. She said that she had thought 2010 was going to be a great year, but now… (I tried to comfort her, but at one point I was in tears myself! I can’t fully comprehend her pain.)
Since this situation is hard for us adults to make sense of, I try to limit my kids’ exposure to the tragedy. (They might have overheard me “going off’ about Pat Robertson’s quotes/how he doesn’t speak for people who are truly trying to live the Christian lifestyle, but that’s another story.) Rather, I have reassured them that it probably wouldn’t happen to us. I have also shown them the victory stories…like the adorable 2 year old boy who was rescued. We also contributed to relief efforts – as a family and with our church.
I received the following tips from World Vision, a Christian humanitarian aid organization who has worked in Haiti for many years, regarding talking to children about tragedy. I hope that these suggestions help.
1. Start by listening.
Find out what your kids already know. You can then respond in an age-appropriate way. The aim is not to worry them with the devastating details, but to protect them from misinformation they may have heard from friends or disturbing images they may have seen on television.
2. Provide clear, simple answers.
Limit your answer to the question asked and use simple language.
3. If you don’t know the answer, admit it
If your child asks a question that you can’t answer, tell them so, and then do some research to try and help them sort it out. If they ask “Why did this have to happen?” don’t be afraid to say “I don’t know.” If you are part of a faith community, the reassurance offered there can be invaluable in helping your child sort through the awful truth that awful things happen.
4. Follow media reports or online updates privately.
Young children in particular are easily traumatized, and seeing or hearing about the horrifying details of the quake are more than they can cope with. Adults, too, should ensure they are dealing with their own emotions by talking to others, so they can continue to respond well to their children’s need.
5. Concentrate on making them feel safe.
When tragedies occur, children wonder if the same event could happen in their hometown. If it was an act of nature that could not be repeated in your area, tell children that. Placing themselves in the situations of victims is not all bad—it is a sign of empathy, an essential life skill, but watch for signs of excessive worrying.
6. Give children creative outlets.
Some children may not be prepared to speak about what they have heard, but may find drawing or other creative activities helpful to deal with their emotions and stress. Their drawings can be helpful starting points for conversation.
7. Model involvement and compassion.
Tell your child that, as a family, you will be helping the people in Haiti by giving a donation to a reputable charity.
8. Give your child a chance to be involved.
Being involved in the solution will help relieve some of their anxiety. Invite them to contribute to the family’s gift by giving something out of their piggy bank.