Mental health is important. That is why I am starting off with this post about helping teens cope with college prep anxiety. The college application and admissions process can be stressful. We parents don’t need to add any unnecessary pressure and we need to be proactive if our teens have excessive anxiety.
To help, I sent questions to Prerna Menon. She is a licensed clinical social worker at Repose, a reputable therapy practice and wellness studio in NYC. I chose Repose because of their work with teens and parents. I also appreciate their position about academic pressure being a stressor for teens…
Although these societal pressures cannot be controlled for, academic pressure in the home can. This is why parents need to step into supporting their children through their academic journey, and also prioritize and acknowledge the chronic stress and resulting mental health issues experienced by their children.
REpose.com
I found Ms. Menon’s answers to be enlightening. The responses not only apply to college prep but also to anxiety in teens overall. I hope that you find this practical advice (for both parents and teens) helpful also!
Signs of Anxiety
Teens have different feelings about preparing for college and anxiety looks different in each person. Are there common signs of anxiety to look out for though? Some stress is normal. When should parents be concerned and/or seek help for their teen’s mental health-related issues?
Short answer, yes! Long answer, anxiety has many faces but most often has one presentation. Anxiety may be identified as excessive worry, restlessness, breathlessness, digestive issues, lightheadedness, sweating, trembling, trouble concentrating or focusing on one task, fatigue, and experiencing a rapid heart rate.
Other behavioral presentations to look out for that may be of concern, may include:
- Feeling very sad or withdrawn for more than two weeks
- Experiencing excessive worry over everyday tasks/activities
- Seriously trying to harm or kill himself or herself, or making plans to do so
- Disordered eating behaviors (overeating, restrictive eating, calorie counting), binge eating with or without purging, or using laxatives to lose weight.
- Having severe mood swings that cause problems in relationships
- Showing drastic changes in behavior or personality
- Experiencing sudden overwhelming fear for no reason, sometimes with a racing heart or fast breathing
- Getting in many fights or wanting to hurt others
- Using drugs or alcohol repeatedly
- Having intense worries or fears that get in the way of daily activities
- Is confused or struggling with gender identity and sexuality.
Mental Health Help (Parent-led)
How can parents help their teens with their stress and anxiety? When and how should parents talk to their teens about mental health concerns?
(For parents) Start by identifying the signs and allowing space for dialogue. If your child’s symptoms are more physical – rule out medical concerns first. Once you have ruled out medical concerns, consider that your child might be experiencing anxiety. You want to then follow with the tool of curiosity.
Don’t make assumptions about why your child is anxious, or that they are even anxious or stressed out at all. Lead with curiosity and ask your child what they are feeling, and ask questions about why they might be experiencing it. Although some stress is normal, it is never helpful to ignore your child’s emotional discomfort as it can often feel invalidating.
Regardless of whether their stress is chronic or fleeting, curiosity allows teens to feel heard by their parents, and inadvertently allows them to feel safe. Some questions to consider asking your child are:
- I’ve noticed you’ve been seeming down lately, is that accurate or am I misreading the situation? Can you tell me more about what is happening? How are you feeling?
- You’ve been seeming low lately. What’s been going on?
- Have you had feelings like this in the past?
- We all need someone to talk to sometimes. I’m here to listen. How can I help you feel better?
- Do you feel like you want to talk to someone else about your problem?
Mental Health Help (Teen-led)
What can teens do themselves in order to lessen their stress and anxiety? Do you recommend teens and/or parents seek any type of in-school mental health support?
(For teens) There are a few things you can consider. Unburden yourself of your worries by disclosing what you are experiencing to a loved one, a friend, or even writing in a journal. Stress and anxiety festers when left bottled up, sharing what you are feeling allows you to feel to not carry this insurmountable emotional weight by yourself.
Consider talking to your school counselor. School counselors are professional listeners, and their job is to use a non-judgmental lens to support you in whatever you are going through. School counselors will keep what you share with them confidential, and will only share the content of your session with your parents if your safety is at risk.
Lastly, consider asking your parents if you can seek therapy. Therapy will help you to: stop punishing yourself, and criticizing yourself; see life as a positive, happy, and safe journey; offer clarity on who you are, who you want to be, and where your life is headed; and better your relationship with yourself, your friends, your family, and others you surround yourself with.
Routines and Rituals
Is there anything else you would like to share regarding how to help kids cope with college application and admissions stress and anxiety?
Routine is your best friend. Human beings are creatures of habit, and thrive in predictable environments. Create routine and structure in your day.
Another way to approach building a routine may look like creating rituals. For example: drink a cup of water right when you wake up, and another cup of water before you go to bed. Despite the chaos, and ever changing climate of the world, you will always have your rituals to fall back on – they will anchor you back to home in moments of overwhelm.
P.S. If you have any additional mental health questions, please let me know. You can send your questions to me by email (kimberly@collegeprepmom.com) and I will respond in a timely manner. Thanks!
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