The topic of personality tests has come up a few times lately, so I want to share my thoughts about them. A short while ago, I was a guest on the Parenting is Heartwork vlog. As I spoke with Angela Gibson about parenting my two sons, I mentioned that understanding their different temperaments has been so helpful. Then, we had a couple over for dinner last Saturday. The husband randomly asked my husband and I if we had ever done a personality test and if we knew our personality types. I promptly answered, “Yes. I’m an ESTJ.” He was impressed that I was so clear on my type and I joked, “Yes, that’s very ESTJish of me.” 🙂 Last, of all, business leader Ray Edwards mentioned changing his mind to be more open to the value of personality typing systems in his vlog 3 Humbling Lessons Learned from Michael Hyatt.
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines personality as “the set of emotional qualities, ways of behaving, etc., that makes a person different from other people”. Often, people take personality tests in order to learn more about themselves so that they can be more self-aware when it comes to careers or personal development. As a mom, I find that knowing both my personality type and the personality types of my two sons helps me to grow as a parent. It helps me to understand them better and to have more realistic expectations.
One of the personality traits that is relatively easy to see is whether you or your kids are introverts or extroverts. It’s really a matter of where a person gets their energy from. Introverts recharge by spending time alone while extroverts gain their energy from other people. Meanwhile, ambiverts fall in the middle of the spectrum. My oldest son is an extrovert. My youngest is an introvert. I am an ambivert. We’re all mixed up!
Different Personality Tests
There are many different personality tests, but I’ll share the five that I have taken over the years.
1. Myers-Briggs
Based on the work of psychiatrist Carl G. Jung in his book Psychological Types, the classic Myers-Briggs was created by Katharine Cook Briggs and her daughter Isabel Briggs Myers. The test indicate sixteen different personality types. You can learn more – including where you can have your child take the related Murphy-Meisgeier Type Indicator for Children®(MMTIC®) assessment – at the Myers and Briggs Foundation. Taking these test helps you to understand yourself and others (including your kids!) better. You can also take a free basic test at 16Personalities. As I mentioned earlier, I’m an ESTJ, which stands for Extraversion (E), Sensing (S), Thinking (T), Judgment (J). There is a “Parenthood” section on the 16Personalities site that shares the parenting strengths and weaknesses for each of the personalities. For instance, I have to be careful not to be inflexible with my kids with my personality type.
2. Keirsey Temperament Theory™
Dr. David Keirsey shares about four temperaments in his books, Please Understand Me: Character and Temperament Types and Please Understand Me II: Temperament, Character, Intelligence, as well as on the Keirsey.com website. His four temperaments are Artisans™, Guardians™, Rationals™ and Idealists™. The temperaments are a combination of communication (concrete versus abstract) and action (utilitarian versus cooperative). Knowing that I’m a Guardian (a concrete cooperator) helps me to realize how differently one of my sons (who is more abstract and utilitarian) approaches things.
3. Four Tendencies Framework
In my 2015 post Better Than Before: A Life-Changing Talk About Habits by Gretchen Rubin, I wrote about the way she divides humanity into four categories in her book Better Than Before.
1. Upholders meet outer (i.e. work deadlines) and inner (i.e. personal New Year’s resolutions) expectations alike. Their expectations for themselves are just as (if not more) important than other’s/outer expectations.
2. Questioners question all expectations. They will only do things if they think it makes sense. They hate arbitrary, inefficient, unfair things. They want information and to know why they should listen to others’ expectations. They will meet expectations if they buy-in or are convinced.
3. Obligers readily meet outer expectations but they struggle to meet inner expectations. Outer accountability (i.e. accountability groups) is helpful for them.
4. Rebels resist all expectations – outer and inner alike. They want to do their own thing, have choice and freedom. They are motivated by an “I’ll show you” attitude.
It’s interesting. I find this framework to be the most helpful but I also find the results of my personal quiz to be the most “off” from what I know of myself. The test indicates that I am an Obliger with strong Rebel tendencies. Meanwhile I (and those closest to me) would definitely say that I’m a Questioner with Obliger tendencies in certain areas (like fitness). I still want to buy her follow-up book on the topic, The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better (and Other People’s Lives Better, Too) though.
While few things are 100% accurate, it’s good to see tendencies…especially when it comes to parenting. My oldest son is an upholder like his father. My youngest son is a questioner like me. Knowing these things especially helps me to parent my younger son better. I can say to my oldest son, “We need to leave at this time, so please be ready.” With my younger son, I need to say something like, “Okay. Pop Pop is expecting us to be at his home at this time. That means that we need to leave here by this time so that we won’t keep him waiting.” I’ll admit that I’m a work in progress…I still resort to the parenting classic, “Because I said so” after a litany of questions at times!
4. The Fascinate System
While most personality tests are aimed at making you more self-aware of how you see the world, Sally Hogshead focuses on how others see you so that you can show up as your best self. There are 7 advantageous ways of communicating with the world. Your primary and secondary methods combine to form your personality archetype. You can take the Fascination Personality Test™ to find out your type for free at the Personality Test on her site. (There are 49 personality archetypes.) I am a Guardian. My primary advantage is power (lead with command) and my secondary one is trust (you build loyalty with consistency). As a parent, I have to be careful not to be too protective of my kids by trying to fix everything for them and also allow them learn from their own mistakes.
5. Enneagram of Personality
The Nine Enneagram personality types are especially promoted in business and spiritual contexts but that doesn’t mean that we can’t apply it to parenting too. You can take a sample version of the Riso-Hudson Enneagram Type Indicator (RHETI) test at 9types or the full test for $12 online at the Enneagram Institute. I am Type 8, The Challenger (the powerful, dominating type: self-confident, decisive, willful, and confrontational).
I get it. Without self-awareness and maturity, I would become the stereotypical, demanding parent who emotionally damages their kids. Thankfully, knowing myself and my kids can help me be a great parent instead. It also helps that I have a standard for the way I treat my kids (the Bible) and a husband who is equally committed to us being the best parents that we can be. While these personality tests can be helpful, we aren’t destined to be confined to our “personality type”. Rather, we can choose to use their direction as a tool to better parent our unique, wonderful kids!
Additional Reading
–Personality (Psychology Today)
–What Can A Personality Test Tell Us About Who We Are? (NPR)